Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
