I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
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