Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
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