I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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