No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
