i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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