so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
