Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
