We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Randomize
