3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
