Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
