After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
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