Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
