He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
