belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Randomize
