you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
