I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
