mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Randomize
