Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I love you. Go after that dick
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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