I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
