Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
