Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
