so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
