I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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