then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
