He asked to "fluff my boner.."
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
