I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
