So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
