I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Terrible idea I love it
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
