tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
