i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
