i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
