hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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