I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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