i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
it was like eating out sand paper
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
