Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
