Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
