All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Randomize
