In the future we'll all be gay
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
