u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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