why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
You pole danced in your parka.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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