It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
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