I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
