Can i not drive my cunt home
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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