Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
