If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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