he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
