Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
