If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
