it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
