Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
dude i'm inner monologue high
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
