you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
