So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
