I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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