Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
